A post for the sake of posting.

There hasn’t been much change. I’m out of the brace but still can’t put total weight on my left leg. The neurologist has ruled out nerve damage (other than the neuropathy in my lower leg which may or may not go away over time) but there doesn’t seem to be any explanation to what is preventing me from any significant improvement. I have to use a wheelchair if I have to go far (over about 50 feet) although I can get around the house with a walker. The doctor is at a loss right now as to what is wrong. He is waiting to see if it might be a type of bacterial infection that attacks and feeds off the prosthesis (hard to believe but I did some research and it’s true) which will need a biopsy to determine but won’t that won’t show up for an additional couple of months. If that’s what it is, it is not affected by regular antibiotics which means I’ll need another surgery to remove the existing prosthesis, all the rods, screws and wires, and replace it with an antibiotic-infused cement one. Needless to say, that isn’t something I want to have to go through.

This has been such a debilitating and depressing event in my life that the doctor has claimed I am now suffering from PTSD and has recommended professional counseling to come to grips with what the future holds. I am in procrastination right now but I know it’ll help me cope better so I should get on the ball. I guess the uncertainty of any kind of resolution at all is what is so hard to bear. But I have to remind myself that things could be worse.

I don’t like to sound so ‘poor-me’ but after six months of intense pain, the incapacitation and three major surgeries, along with not knowing where things are going, it’s a little hard to maintain a positive attitude. The arthritis in my shoulders has been exacerbated by the walker use in addition to the stress on my knee. My kids have tried to be here for me but it’s hard for them to leave their lives and families for any period of time so I’m on my own right now. My DIL spent two weeks here, her husband, my youngest son, has been here four weeks and my other son from San Francisco took his two-week vacation time to be with me, plus, I had to hire professional help 24/7 (VERY expensive) for a couple of weeks in the beginning. Being by myself is mostly okay except for things like getting to doctors’ appointments, grocery shopping, housework, etc. Friends have been helpful but, even for them, as time goes on, they tend to lose interest. Now I even have to have a “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” button around my neck. Something I never wanted nor expected to need. One of the worst parts is the boredom. I can’t really get out or do anything and it get’s hard trying to find something to occupy myself and take my mind off my problems. Thanks God for Days! :o)

I’ll tell you what, this is something that has certainly made me look at my mortality in a totally different light. If I can pass anything to everybody reading this it is to appreciate your mobility because you can’t begin to imagine what it’s like to lose it.

Now, aren’t you sorry you asked? :o)

I really appreciate the prayers and can use all I can get. My next doctor’s appointment is in January and I’m going to tell the him I really need to know something, anything, that might give me some hope.

Casey, my son actually lives in Mill Valley which is right across the Golden Gate Bridge (to the north). He lives up in the foothills so I was really worried because of all the trees and narrow roads but in spite of all the downed trees and mud slides, they made out okay. My DIL runs the gift shop at John Muir Woods and even they closed down, something that very rarely happens. It was much worse than I heard here. Most businesses in the city closed. My son works there in SF and tried to get to work but the police had the road blocked off. And now, they are expecting another one. First drought, now flooding. Mother Nature can really be nasty.