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People have criticized Jenn’s handling of JJ so, having once dealt with a difficult teen boy myself, what would you do if you were his mother? He’s been grounded and his electronics taken away, what more can you do?
I would go to a therapist to get help in dealing with him. I would take JJ with me if he would go, but if he wouldn’t, I’d go by myself. If the therapist wasn’t one I thought I could work with, I’d go to a different one.
When I deal with difficult teen boys, my first thought is weak parenting, no offense Bonbon. I just notice that a lot of parents, especially mothers, make excuses for their kids. This only perpetuates and exacerbates the situation. This is what I see with Jenn. She tries to be tough, but she makes excuses. She gives JJ a mile, not an inch. She needs lots of therapy! He’s just a brat, but she allows him to be by always giving into him and making excuses for him.
On a side note, I thought she said she was going to call his friend’s mom. Why didn’t she? She waited to get a text. Jenn is just stupid!
to see exactly how far he can go or get away with. As soon as Abbey or Jennifer gets a clue that he’s hiding something or suggests he’s lying, he gets all defensive and accusatory, and that’s when they break down and turn the other cheek. He needs a little tough love, as far as I’m concerned. Jen needs to pay close attention to his friends, because you can only be as good as the people you associate with, and between his stoner friend, Rory, and the three kids he was with when they robbed the electronics store, and now Theresa, he’s only going to get worse unless Jenn supervises where he is and who he’s with. Her parenting skills leave much to be desired, and she should take a firm hand and stick to her guns. She’s a working mom, so she can’t keep an eye on him all the time, but damn if I wouldn’t have him followed or something and report back to me exactly where he goes, who he’s with, and what he’s doing. Why hasn’t she checked with his teachers to see if he’s keeping up with his grades, or even attending classes? Why doesn’t she check his work? There are so many things she’s NOT doing, that I have no choice but to agree that she is a poor parent, and this guilt trip she’s on is a good enough excuse for her, but not for me. Maybe he needs to be enrolled in a military academy. That would put the fear of God in him.
which I don’t think JJ needs, as he’s just a brat who wants to test all the boundaries and be in control. But if therapy Jenn should insist he go. As a minor he really has no choice. Maybe she should “liberate” him and see how he likes subsisting on the streets.
I So agree with weak parenting. I see it daily even small examples. For instance once when I was selling a puppy the mother couldn’t decide whether to pick it up in the morning or afternoon. While on the phone she turns to her 9 yr old and asks HER when she would like to get it. Are you serious? A child should have NO say in the matter. Kids are more and more fringing upon adult territory because parents include them too much and they get it in their heads they can have power too soon. Even something like picking out school attire for the day. Moms giving 5 yr olds choices and then when they do’t get their way they throw a fit and the parent gives in. Heck, I didn’t pick out my own clothes til I was 11.
And the way parents allow their children to talk back just grates me. This should never be tolerated!
With Jenn, her problem is she’s simply a pushover and easy pickins for JJ.how do you explain when you have one child that is practically perfect and another is a problem child when they both receive the same parenting? Mine wasn’t a delinquent, just continually made bad decisions. Fortunately, the Marines made a model citizen out of him and a son any parent would be proud of. Consequently I’m a great advocate of the military.
But I disagree with trying to hold him under Jenn’s thumb because you just can’t do that when they get that old. He’s not testing the waters, he’s downright defying them and thinks he’s above the rules. Plus, he thinks he can (and is doing very well at) always talk his way out of what he does. And checking up on him and trying to keep him away from friends isn’t the answer. When you forbid them to see someone, that only makes them that much more desirable. (I should add here that my son’s best friend in high school was about the most undesirable kid he could have taken up with. Now, they are in their 50s and he’s one of the nicest, most responsible guys you could meet.)
JJ just needs to learn that his actions are going to have consequences and if he wants to live under constant grounding and having pleasures taken away, then he can keep up his antics. But I don’t think that will ever work. A kid that acts like JJ probably is suffering from low self-esteem, maybe as a result of being away from his family so long. Or it could be something entirely different.
IMO, at his age, counseling is the only thing that’s going to help because I think it’s going to take a professional to get to the root of his problem. Discipline is not working for him. Unfortunately, kids don’t come with instruction manuals and what works for one doesn’t always work for another.
And if all else fails, tough love…throw him out on his sassy ass. Let him figure out what it takes to make it in this world.
Have you ssen the commerical for Njutella where the mom says that she can’t get her kids to settle until she tells them their nutella on toast is ready? It really gripes me because it snows the kids playing and fooling around in the morning before going to school. The mother laments that she can’t get their attention!!
I raised 5 kids and no of themever acted like that in the morning!! The ceral boxes and bowls were on the table. When they cmae downstairs, they got their bowls and filled it up, sat down and ate. Then they put the bowls in the sink and got their bakc packs. There was NO tv in the morning and NO playing with toys, etc.
I just don’t get why a mom cannot say, "do it" and it is done!!! Every time I see this commerical I get annoyed!
JJ is playing Jen by making her feel guilty about how bad he feels. The problem is JJ wasn’t around, neither was his dad!! It seems that Jen really didn’t want either of her kids around, so biw they feel neglected. Let’s no forget that Abigail lashed out about her dad’s death and Jen being with Daniel too.
Jen moved on way too fast (in my opinion), and I think she knows it!! That is why JJ’s complaints make her react the way she does. I am not sure trherapy will work, cause it won’t change anything is JJ doesn’t want to go.
and what I mean is Jennifer taking away ALL but the essentials until he gets his act together. The law says a parent only has to feed, clothe and house a child. It says nothing about internet, TV, cell phone, money or any other luxuries that kids take for granted today.
If he were my kid and said he needed money for lunch then he’d either take a bag lunch or I’d figure out where he goes and put money on a tab for him. If he wanted any thing else than he can earn it himself. Also a child gets privacy when they are old enough to deserve it so until he settles down I’d be checking on his whereabouts, make him check in periodically if he’s out.
Kids learn at that age or earlier the skills they need for adulthood and the way he’s acting he’s not ready for that responsibility. If he were a little older and got a job does he think his employer would tolerate his attitude or behavior.
Today too many parents want to be a friend to their children and aren’t being the parents they need. They need to be parents now and later when their child is grown and a contributing member of society they can work on being friends because to be honest, the way most kids today are being raised I know I wouldn’t want them as friends.
Is all my mother had to do was LOOK at me and I would freeze. I’m 34 and haven’t lived at home since I was 24 years old but I’m still sorta kinda afraid of my mother LOL….
The foundation starts when they are young – there HAS to be consequences from the beginning. You can’t just decide to parent your children when it looks like it is necessary – and with JJ being away that’s the case here.
I agree – parents give kids too much rights and too much say so. What happened to the age old "I’m the parent you’re the child." I heard that a lot LOL… My personal favorite is getting OTHERS to parent your kid – "If you don’t stop i’m going to have the man yell at you." Hey, yell at your own damn kid lady LOL…
JJ is a mess – Jen needs to strip away everything that is important, get him a part time job (he can work he’s 16) and closely monitor his day to day. Stop chasing Daniel and be a mom already!!!
JJ hasn’t learned that his actions have consequences. He may have been arrested, but the owner dropped the charges. Everything he does, he manages to weasel his way out. I think this will eventually play out with something terrible happening to him or Jenn.
Side note: thank your son for his service. I have a soft spot for the military, especially the Marines. My dad was a 31 yr. veteran, my husband was a Marine pilot and is now an Army lawyer.
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