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brother died I came to the realization that you live your life, grow up have kids and watch them grow. At some point you pass and your kids carry on and the cycle repeats. Even though it hurts to lose a parent or sibling it’s not out of the norm and actually the older you and your parents get the more you try to prepare yourself for them not being there anymore (as if you can really be prepared for the death of a loved one). Then once in a while life throws a monkey wrench into it and a child dies before the parent. That’s NOT the way it’s suppose to be and nobody can prepare themselves for that. Your children are suppose to bury you not the other way around and I can honestly say I can see that Bo and Hope do remember Zach and have tears and hard times thinking of him. You have these dreams for your child and you imagine them at the age they’re suppose to be, graduating high school, first day of college, getting married and having their first child. You envision a life that’s never going to happen and that can cut a parent’s heart out.
I don’t think you’re hard hearted, you’re protecting yourself. My cousin tried for years to have a baby and after many miscarriages finally had a little girl who, like yours lived an hour. They buried her and never spoke of her again. They never went to the grave and once she said that’s a part of her life she doesn’t want to remember or be reminded of. The pain was just so bad she couldn’t go through it every day.
I remember reading an article once about nervous breakdowns years ago. According to the article there are only really 2 reasons for a breakdown, I think one was fire but I remember for sure the other was the death of a child.
I’ll volunteer for the job. I can sit in my home office and research stuff for them then send them details or links if they want.
My brother died in 1977 at age 39. My dad died in 1990 and my mom in 1994. They never got over his death. Around his birthday my mom would get moody and cry for no reason. Even she didn’t know why until we looked at the calendar. We couldn’t drive past the main entrance to the cemetery without her breaking down and certain Christmas song such as Blue Christmas and I’ll Be Home for Christmas made her cry.
When my brother died many tried to console her by saying "I know how you feel, I lost my brother, I lost my mother, etc.." She had one too many of those and started yelling. YOU DON’T KNOW HOW I FEEL. I’VE LOST BROTHER’S SISTERS AND BOTH PARENTS AND THIS IS DIFFERENT. THIS IS MY CHILD, I CARRIED HIM FOR 9 MONTHS AND WATCHED HIM GROW. IT’S NOT THE SAME.
I’m just as guilty but I don’t feel the forum was abused. As Bonbon said, we were having a discussion that stemmed from a Days storyline. That’s something that happens often and it allows us to connect with the show and our beloved characters better.
I watch a lot of those DIY shows and remember the color red makes you hungry so some use that in their dining rooms or kitchens. A lot of restaurants use color to evoke different moods. Some want you to relax so you’ll sit longer and order more, others want you to order a LOT of food. Same with home offices. Some colors inspire while others put you to sleep.
Thanks powerpaw2. My brother was my hero in every way and I didn’t know how much he loved me until his funeral when all his friends were there and telling me how much he would tell them about me and brag about me to them. I remember a couple of his friends that he hung around with. Not sure if it was anything more than that because you’d hear both their names in one sentence most of the time. Lenny came and stayed at our house for a few weeks and I had a secret crush on him. At that time I was in high school and we went to a flea market. I wasn’t sure what was going on but some sleezy guy looked at me wrong and Lenny almost took him out. He was furious and I was enomored because this older guy wanted to protect me. Robert O as his friends called him was another friend who’d come to our house once in a while. He was a hair dresser and would do my mom’s hair on occasion and came out with a wig once for her to wear. He also knew how to sew and he made alterations to the wig so it would fit her better. I really looked up to these guys but I’m thinking it had a lot to do with the fact that they paid attention to me and had time for a kid.
I do often wonder how much my life would be different if my brother were still alive. He influenced a lot of my decisions and I always wanted to please him. I wonder if I would have married my first husband or if my brother would have seen the problem he was and warned me and would I have listened. When I thought of going back to college to change careers my mom talked me out of it. I was a respiratory therapist and her reason was "you make good money for a girl". I think my brother would have encouraged me to follow my dream. After I married my current husband would I have been willing to relocate from Chicago to Alabama or would I have married him at all. So many of my major decisions and I wish my brother would have been there to guide me or at least given me his words of wisdom.
I do think I owe a lot of who I am today to the influence my brother did and still does have on me. When I’m afraid to step out of my comfort zone I think of all the things he accomplished and get courage.
Thinking back to high school and even watching T’s reaction to Sonny on Days it’s like guys think it’s "catching" or the guy’s going to hit on him. I mean, do they think every heterosexual girl is going to hit on them.
I do think you can be gay and not know it or not want to know it so you’ll try to have what you consider "normal" relationships. My brother grew up in the 50’s and from what I heard he wasn’t openly gay. My mom wouldn’t talk about it but after he died we had a few discussions. She blamed a friend of his for introducing him to that lifestyle. I guess this woman was very liberal in her thinking and had several gay friends and took my brother to some gay bars. What I couldn’t get my mom to understand was it was in him in the beginning, this woman just realized it and helped him find friendships he could be himself in and not have to hide. I mean what kid would choose a lifestyle that had to be hidden or (at that time) you’d get beaten up for. Talking to older cousins who grew up with my brother I guess it was obvious to everyone but my parents and maybe even my brother that he was gay. He’d get chased home from school daily and was often the butt of jokes and ridicule. He dropped out of school and my parents blamed it on the education he got but I think it had more to do with peer pressure and not fitting in.
When I was younger my brother had a girlfriend and would have her to the house often but sadly she died in a car crash. It was after that I never saw him with another girl but he’d often bring "friends" to the house. It never dawned on me that these guys were more than just buddies. Sometimes they’d spend the night but mostly not. He was 19 years older than I was but lived at home. Often he’d go to work on Monday and not come home until Thursday night. It wasn’t unusual.
I found matches from a gay bar and that fueled my suspicions but didn’t really think much more about it. After he died at age 39 when I was 20 I was going through his things and found a bunch of letters written by some guy he met in France. My brother liked to travel and did so alone. He’d been all over Europe a few times, South America and had just come back from New Zealand 2 days before he died. These letters I found were love letters to him. At first I was shocked but then I realized this was my brother and a part of him I always suspected but was never talked about. I wasn’t disgusted but loved him more. This was the same brother I looked up to, the one who protected me from the boogie man and spoiled me rotten. I of course kept those letters hidden from my parents. They’d accepted his lifestyle the best they knew how and in my eyes much better than most parents in the 50’s, 60’s and even 70’s but they still had the "ignore it and it goes away" mentality.
I dated a guy in high school, Bill, who would always ask the group of us "what would you do if your best friend told her they were gay?" I remember the guys would say that they wouldn’t want that fag around them and a lot of cruel things. I just said he’d still be my friend, I’d just know more about him. After we broke up we remained friends and he started dating my best friend. He fixed me up with his best friend, John, and we’d double date. I started dating Mike but Bill and I remained friends and whenever Mike and I would have a fight I’d call and cry on Bill’s shoulder. A few years after high school and crying on Bill’s shoulder and he said he knew just how felt as the same thing happened between him and John. I realized then that he was trying to tell us in high school that he was gay but the attitude of the other guys led him to keep quiet. He fixed me up with his best friend and our double dates were the only way they could go on dates.
Bill and I aren’t close anymore but 35 years and miles got in the way though we did find each other again a few years ago and have chatted a few times. I miss my old friend and would welcome him back into my life in a heartbeat because I love him just as he is.
I don’t know if having a brother who was gay made me more accepting of him as a teen or if I was just more tolerant than the rest of our friends but I do agree that the teen years are tough enough trying to fit in without your sexuality being thrown into the mix. I do hope attitudes change and I do see it happening but it takes some maturity to get there and I don’t know too many teens who are at that point. They’re trying not to be judged themselves and have a fear that to others they’d be guilty by association.
I’d read an article last year when half the sets and most of the clothing was blue that it had to do with going to HD. For some reason the blues and other jewel tones look better and pop more in HD than the others.
I’m in the process of losing weight so I want to get down about 100 lbs so the recovery is easier for the knee surgery.
I worked with patients who’d had joint replacements and none of them had any problems or complications but Don’s mom had a knee replacement in 2002. She was in PT and couldn’t get her leg up to get on the bicycle so the therapist got snippy and was going to show her how to do it and bumped into her knocking her down. The incision burst open and the docs decided to leave it open to heal from the inside. She quickly got an infection that they couldn’t get rid of. In and out of the hospital on IV antibiotics to be released then back again in a week with another infection and more antibiotics. This went on for months and they decided to remove the joint thinking she was rejecting it. Infections continued and they felt it was in the bone so they amputated above the knee to get rid of it. Infections continued and they wanted to amputate to the hip. She was also needing a valve replacement but they couldn’t do it with the infection going on In 2006 she passed away and they said the cause was MRSA.
I know the replacement wasn’t the cause of the infection but it was the catalyst so that’s in the back of my mind. Don of course is turned off by the mention of a replacement but says if it’s me not walking without extreme pain he’ll support me. I don’t feel I’m at that point yet. I picture people needing replacements are using assistive devices such as cane or walker but I’m not there, just stiffness and discomfort. Or maybe it’s been going on so long I’m use to it.
I’m 53 and talked to great lengths with the surgeon about the joints they use and their life expectency. They use to last only 5-10 years so they waited until you were 60 before considering replacements. Then they got the joints to last longer so they moved it to the 50’s. Now they set the age down to 50 and have done some in the 40’s because the new joints last 40 years.
I’m begining to think so. Could we be related in some way and not know it.
I had to doc appointments yesterday and Don had 1. When I was in the hospital for a hysterectomy in September I felt my heart beating out of my chest the morning I was to go home. They did an EKG and the surgeon called in an internist who said I was in Atrial Flutter. My heart rate was fluctuating between 110 and 195. The surgeon had me doing carotid massage on myself to slow down my rate and the internist kept coming in with good news. "you could throw a clot and have a stroke" "we think your having a heart attack". They finally called a cardioligost who I know from her being Don’s doc. She got another EKG and it was normal but they threw me in ICU and put in a PICC line to give me 2 meds and some blood since they stuck me 6 times and could only get 1 IV but needed 3 separate ones. I went home the next day and my regular doc ordered a 30 day event monitor. I sent over 2 events the first week but they were normal. I was just panicking when I felt anything odd. Two days before I took the monitor back I felt my heart beating out of my chest and then it would feel like my heart actually flipped over and the next beat felt like it was in my upper abdomen and when I checked my pulse I’d skip a beat when that happened. My attending only got the first 2 events but not he third. He did feel I needed to see the cardiologist so I went yesterday. Should also say 3 months ago my attending heard a murmur but a 2D echo was normal. The cardiologist called the lab and got my third event and said I was having extra beats or PVC’s which start in the ventricle which is the lower part of the heart and normal beats start in the atrium or upper part. That’s why my heart feels like it’s flipping. She’s starting me on Cardizem.
Don’s appointment was with her also and he’s back in his Atrial Flutter so the med they put him on after the cardioversion last year didn’t do it’s job. He’s now on Digoxin which is a lot more affordable. The Multaq he was on put him into the donut hole last month and it’s a $250+ med so we pay out of pocket. The Digoxin is $3.60 out of pocket so we like that.
I also had to see an orthopedic surgeon because my knees lock and I can’t bend or straighten them. This can happen during the day and I cry trying to sit or stand. Walking is stiff legged and I look like Frankenstein. It also wakes me up at night. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis but the Rheumatologist said the knees is OA not RA which I knew I had severe arthritis from an ortho guy in Chicago who repaired a torn cartilage. The Ortho guy yesterday said my knees don’t straighen all the way and did an x-ray. He came back and said i don’t have cancer so I have choices. Bilateral knee replacements or shots. he said the shots will tide me over but knee replacements are in my future as I have no cartilage left. The reason my legs don’t straighten all the way is because there’s no cartilage in the back at all. I asked about that synthetic synovial fluid they an inject but he said it is used to build up the cartilage so you actually need cartilage for it to work and since I don’t have any it’s useless. He called it ‘end stage arthritis’.
So, I had injections in both knees yesterday. All in all it was a very fun day, NOT.
When I was little I often wondered what time people in the soaps got up and out because they’d stop by someones house on their way to work and have coffee and were always up and ready for visitors before breakfast. This was on Another World and As The World Turns which were 2 other soaps my mom watched from the beginnings.
